Woman Gets Pregnant Via 3D Porn – True Story

First, don’t ask me to explain where I got the image to the right. Frankly, I wish I could erase from my memory some of the things I had to see to bring you this blog post. Suffice it to say, you reading and commenting on this post will have meant all my suffering was worth it. I mean I work and I slave for you and all I ask in return is a little gratitude…a little compassion. Is that so much to ask after having to sift through Avatar anime porn for YOU?

What was I talking about? Oh, right…

So, this woman got preggers while her husband was off fighting a war, you know, for our freedom and all. When he returned and just blatantly assumed she had been sleeping around on him, she explained that she had been impregnated by aliens satanists 3D porn. And, can you believe the guy was suspicious at first? Jeez, his wife waits for him while he’s off killing terrorists and when he returns home to find his wife had a black baby (did I mention they were both white? no?) all he can think is that she’s cheated on him. The NERVE!!!

Finally, he realized the truth.

US military man Erick Jhonson came home from a stint in Iraq to find that his wife was pregnant. Clearly he assumed she had an affair, but his wife Jennifer claims the “other man” was actually someone a little less physical.

It seems he actually buys her story, however. “I see it as suspicious. The films in 3D are very real. With today’s technology, anything is possible,” he said.

What’s even more interesting is that both Jennifer and Erick are white, but the child is black. Jeniffer claims the kid looks like the black pornstar she had been ogling. She also claims this was one of the first times she’s watched porn and only went with friends for the 3D effect.

God, way to go, Erick! Just come home and blame your wife of diddling some guy from the gym or your best friend or some guy from church or, better yet, the guy from the guy, your best friend AND a guy from church. You’re so cynical. Look what the military has done to you. Even your wife can see it.

“Even though my husband believed in me, my marriage could be at risk,” Jennifer said. “But he knows I’m faithful.” It just shows you what joining the military does to your head.

Jennifer explained that “a month after watching the movie, I started feeling dizzy and the results were positive.”

SEE! How was she supposed to know that giant black penis on the screen was actually reaching into her vagina and filling her with babies? It happens ALL THE TIME! Just last week, I heard of a guy who had his kidney stolen at an IMAX movie. It’s called TECHNOLOGY, Erick!

All I can say to both of them is that I hope the baby isn’t an anime baby because those things are freaky. I’ve never seen one in person, but I’ve seen what they can do on screen and all I’m saying is that I don’t want the world to end because some anime baby gets mad and expands itself to swallow up the universe. Scientists have been warning us about such a thing for centuries and if women keep getting pregnant via 3D porn, it could happen, people.

By the way, if there is one thing I never want to see in my entire life, it’s a 3D penis, particularly on a giant screen. I don’t really want to see a 2D penis on a giant screen and 3D is like totally one worse than 2, which is, needless to say, terrifying. I thought the Human Centipede (I’m just telling you right now, do NOT click that link – you’ll thank me for that) freaked me out, and it totally does, but 3D penis seems much much worse. Although, having your mouth attached to someone’s butthole in the name of science is pretty bad too I guess.

(But not as bad as a 3D penis – *shudder*)