Robber Displays New Fashion Style in Candy Heist

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In a story custom made for Houston’s own KPRC channel 2 – I’m sure Rob Arnold got a chubby when he heard the story and then cursed God’s name when he found out it didn’t happen in Houston – and, not surprisingly, reported on an NBC affiliate in Orlano, a man robbed a candy store wearing womens panties on his head. Oh, yeah, this is good.

A man in Prairie Village, Kan., was videotaped wearing women’s underwear over his face as a mask during the robbery of a popular candy store, according to a Local 6 News report.

Surveillance video from Laura’s Little Chocolates showed the burglar breaking into a door and then opening a cash register.

After the panty-wearing man grabbed some cash, he was then videotaped stealing about 8 pounds of chocolate pecan fudge from the business.

Given the fact this happened in Kansas, I’m a little surprised News 2 Houston didn’t cover it. Hmmm…

Well, there’s a new kind of mask for you. I guess he figured, “Some guys wear women’s panty hose, but I want my trademark to be something different, something special.”

Perhaps he thought a statement on women’s love of chocolate would best be made with their underwear on his face. Maybe he just likes the feel of satin. But, in such a small robbery (if 8 pounds of chocolate counts as small), I’ve got to believe this guy wasn’t wearing Victoria Secret. Too expensive. And Fredrick’s of Hollywood wouldn’t provide the coverage he needed. Too many mesh and crotchless styles to sort through.

No, I bet this guy thought, “Wait ’til I get my Hanes on me” opting for the cotton variety.

It still begs the question, what was the cut? No way he wore a thong or a g-string. Not enough coverage. Even bikini cut wouldn’t work in this instance. No, my money is on the granny panties.

Police were surpised by the man’s mask.

“It’s very clear,” Prairie Village police Capt. Wes Jordan said. “It’s a pair of underwear. On his way out, he took two slabs of chocolate pecan fudge.”

I’m first wondering why they have surveillance quality enough to pick up the guy’s mask and the type of chocolate he stole in a candy store. Is this place often the subject of robberies? Do angry PMS’ing women come into the store flashing .38’s screaming, “I SAID hazelnut, mother fu**er!!!”

The whole thing is surprising for me, so it is no shock it is surprising to police.

They did catch the guy, thank the sweet Lord. God knows, we wouldn’t want the Panty Candy Bandit on the loose. Yeah, I like the name too. I made it up.

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