I found this over on Drivl.com.Â Hilarious!Â Here’s an excerpt:
2. The super-sped up cityscape
This scene requires shots of a moving and setting sun, buildings lighting up, and people zipping around
As seen in: Any movie that wants to have time pass between scenes but only has four seconds to do so
Why it’s lame: We get it, lazy filmmaker. Time is elapsing, but in a super-cool-looking way! OMG! It’s groundbreaking in a highly stylized way!
3. The “Now, what were you going to say?”
Right before a character has to confess something to someone, that person cuts him off and says something to make him feel like a guilty, royal asshole, and then says, “Now, what were you going to say?” to further dig the dagger into his side.
As seen in: Just about any chick flick
Why it’s lame: Why the hell do those seven little words render the would-be confessor incapable of going through with what he was going to say? It’s like verbal kryptonite. “Well, I was going to break up with you, but now you’ve made me feel guilty so I guess I’ll just suffer silently! La dee dah!”
7. The elaborate hacking-through-a-virtual-world scene
These scenes desperately want you to think that OMG HACKING LOOKS AWESOME!!! That hacker is so skilled! He can navigate through the mainframe’s virtual world and find the little hidden box he needs to click on! Bravo, hacker. Bravo.
As seen in: Antitrust, Jurassic Park, Swordfish, Hackers
Why it’s lame: This is what real hacking is like: Type type type. Type type. Type. It’s a bunch of lines of code, and it’s a terribly uninspiring interface. Visual interfaces are for old ladies who need to drag and drop a ginormous image of their dog Muffins to a folder. They’re not used by any remotely good hacker. But since realistic hacking is too boring by Hollywood standards, we’re subjected to faux-cool “virtual” hacking. Bleh.
8. The just-in-time bomb disabling
In this scene, the protagonist finds the bomb while it’s ticking down its last minute to detonation, and he always cuts the wire and disables the bomb with exactly one second left on the timer, even though you’re watching about ten minutes pass between him finding the bomb and disabling it.
As seen in: Speed, Die Hard III, Blown Away
Why it’s lame: Can’t anyone disable a bomb with ample time left nowadays? Is that just a lost art, like shoe cobbling?
9. Crashing through multiple panes of glass like it’s a Homecoming banner
In Movie Land, you can get thrown through or otherwise crash through all sorts of glass without incurring any sort of injury.
As seen in: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (seriously Brandy, what the fuck?), Demolition Man, any PG-13 action movie
Why it’s lame: Have you ever inadvertently run into a closed sliding glass door? It hurts! So why the hell do movies make it look about as painful as a paper cut?