I got one of the dumbest, coolest form letters in the mail today and I’d like to share it with you, my blogging friends.
I switched energy companies recently and received this final notice from them:
Without further action, your account may be submitted to a debt collection agency for futher action on July 25, 2006.
Dear Balke Jeff:
As of July 5, 2006, Green Mountain Energy Company’s records show that there is an outstanding balance on your account of $0.00. Since you no longer have an active account with Green Mountain Energy Company, please be aware that your entire balance is now due.
We regret to inform you that if we do not receive full payment of the oustanding balance $0.00 by July 25, 2006, Green Mountain Energy Company may now submit your account for further action by a debt collection agency and you may also be subject to having this information reported on your credit bureau report. If full payment of your outstanding balance and this letter have crossed in the mail, please disregard this notification.
It continued on from there. I also got an standard bill in the mail with the warning:
This is a copy of your final bill which includes charges for services rendered. Please remit payment to avoid further action by a debt collection agency. See attached letter for further details.
The total on the bill: $0.00.
Hmmm…I must protect my credit rating. So, I believe I will respond to them with a letter. Here’s what I will write.
Dear Energy Green Mountain:
Please find enclosed $0.00 as remittance for my final bill of $0.00. You should note that the amount is invisible and, as such, may be difficult to see, but I wasn’t sure how to write a check for $0.00 and I don’t think they make money orders or cashiers checks for that amount. Honestly, I’d be a little embarrassed to ask.
I would have enclosed cash, but, well, you see my dilemma.
I appreciate you bringing the remaining balance to my attention and, as you can see, I have made my payment promptly to avoid being turned over to a debt collection agency and receive a black spot on my credit report.
If there are any problems regarding the remittance of $0.00, please feel free to let me know and I will respond accordingly.
Thank you for your time.