Why Am I Reading This?

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Better question…how does the Chron have this much editorial space on its hands?

Today, the Houston Chronicle ran essentially a blow-by-blow recounting of…get this…the shopping trip of Solange Knowles-Smith. WTF? Seriously, see for yourself.

Even the rich and famous like a shopping bargain. Just ask Solange Knowles-Smith.

The 20-year-old singer-dancer-songwriter – who’s also the sister of superstar diva BeyoncŽ, daughter of Tina and Mathew Knowles, wife of Carolina Panthers wide receiver Daniel Smith and mother of toddler Daniel Julez J. Smith – could shop anywhere she wants. She even has the connections to get free clothes.

Really, I don’t want to ask her. Do I have to?

Note the laundry list explaination of who she is. This serves two purposes:

1. It lets us know who the hell this person is because the average person would ask, “Why the hell are you doing a story about Beyonce’s little sister’s shopping trip?” Of course, this doesn’t give us that answer, but…

2. In case you were planning on doing the geneology for the Knowles family, you get a head start courtesy of the Chron.

But one day last week, as her fellow shoppers did double-takes, she happily scoured the racks at Marshalls and T.J. Maxx on West Gray. She wanted clothes for Julez – but other goods inevitably called, too.

Why would anyone do double takes? Does anyone actually know who she is and, even if they did, why would they care?

Nick Lachey’s What’s Left of Me played over the sound system at Marshalls, and Knowles-Smith sang along as she whipped through the children’s department with professional finesse.

It’s bad when your play-by-play of shopping includes what is playing on the sound system and you aren’t being funny or ironic. It’s also good to know that Knowles exhibits “professional finesse” when shopping. I shop more with slipshod clumsiness myself.

“No bears or ducks or tools,” she said. “I have always wanted Julez to look like a little man.”

Then you probably shouldn’t call him “Julez.”

She resembles her sister and mother; and in her denim miniskirt, white button-front shirt and ankle-strap heels, she cut a glamorous swath through the store.

Again, just a reminder that she may be nobody, but she’s related to and looks like somebody.

How can anyone cut a glamorous swath through TJ Maxx? That’s like cutting a glamorous swath through the blue light special section at K-Mart. And, does this glamorous swath leave a slime trail made of crushed diamonds and Cristal? Inquiring minds want to know.

She quickly scored a Rocawear track suit for her son.

“This is a shout-out to our buddy Jay,” she said, eyeing the red-and-blue outfit. “I know we could get these for free, but at $20 for a three-piece outfit, I have to get it.” (“Jay” is Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter, her sister’s paramour and owner of the urban clothing line Rocawear.)

Holla!

Calvin Klein camouflage pants went into her basket next, but she passed on a pair of jeans with an iron-on patch of Tupac Shakur’s face on the leg: “Too ghetto,” she said.

I wish Calvin Klein was camouflage because then I’d never have to see any of his ads.

I feel her with the ghetto jeans though. I prefer my jeans with the airbrushed likeness of Jesus right across the ass. It’s classy and helps me and my crew to regulate.

She wanted to check out T.J. Maxx’s new boutique for high-end designer clothing. Prada, Michael Kors, Miu Miu and Dolce & Gabbana are among the labels offered. Instant love: Knowles-Smith quickly grabbed a cream-colored cashmere sweater with rhinestones and crystals. Jeans by 7 for All Mankind and Citizens of Humanity went into her basket, followed by a vest and short suit, a long white top and a chocolate-brown wrap.

She was in the dressing room and out in a few minutes. The jeans, she decided, didn’t do enough for her backside. Besides, she said, “I have a lifetime supply of House of DerŽon jeans that give me the lift I need. I don’t have a lot of junk in my trunk.”

Yeah, she’s a REAL bargain hunter.

And it’s good to know about said junk in her…ahem…trunk. These are the kinds of hard-hitting news items I look for in my local news outlet. It’s shopping people…SHOPPING!

House of DerŽon is the label founded by her sister and mother. Knowles-Smith is joining that act, too; she’s launching a juniors line for the holidays; it will be available at Macy’s at the end of October.

“The line is really nice and affordable. A lot of junior lines are not very well made, but this is. The jeans are incredible,” said Knowles-Smith, who says she’s actively involved with the design. “It is really important to me to wear the clothes. If you have pride in something, you should have no problem wearing it.”

What’s this? Is this a reason for the story I see? Could it be an actual purpose??? Remind me why I had to read through all this crap about the stupid clothes some singer wannabe bought while slumming it at Marshalls again.

She drove her Mercedes-Benz SUV a few blocks down the street to the supercool Chase’s Closet, the children’s clothing boutique owned by singer Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins and stylist Tara Brivic-Rowntree.

For a split second, Knowles-Smith was drawn to a white Dolce & Gabbana T-shirt for Julez. But the $53 price tag changed her mind. She loaded up an armful of vintage-looking T-shirts for her son that read, “My Grandma Is Hot.” A Small Paul Frank shirt also made the cut, and she cashed out at $99.59.

Ew…My Grandma is Hot? She just picked out a shirt for her son that describes her own mom as hot. “I’ve got a sexy granny” or “My nana’s bod is slammin'” would be more appropriate to me, but what do I know?

Oh, and thanks for pointing out that she drove her Mercedes to a designer store to buy $99 worth of t-shirts for her toddler that all say the same thing on them. I’m glad to know that even the rich and not-particularly-famous can live so modestly.

What was this story about again?

Then it was time to pick up Julez from school and get ready for work. She was due later at Music World/Sanctuary’s studios to work on a song for Jennifer Lopez.

Work being a relative term.

That was literally the last line of the story. That sounds more like a blog entry about how your weekend went than a feature story in a newspaper. Tomorrow, maybe they can write about Lyle Lovett’s cousin and his trip to a trendy grocery store to pick up eggs and a sassy Pinot Noir. Maybe the day after that, they can cover Yao Ming’s best friend’s second cousin got his car washed at…get this…an actual car wash!

Oh, I’ve got it, they follow around the step brother of a random person as he works, takes a dump, eats some cheese, watches tv, drives a truck and/or watches paint dry. Because, God knows that would be more interesting that this…whatever this was.

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