What’s Next, Metallica Brand Toilet Paper?

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Metallica KnobThere is an episode of the Simpsons where a large number of Krusty the Clown brand items are described or shown. These include but are not limited to the following (that was for my attorneys)

  • Krusty Brand Non-Toxic Kologne
  • Krusty Brand Sulfuric Acid
  • Krusty Brand Hand Guns
  • Krusty Brand Lady Krusty Mustache Remover System
  • Krusty Brand Home Pregnancy Test
  • Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel
  • Krusty Brand Non-Karkotic Kough Syrup
  • Krusty Brand Krusty-O’s “Flesh-Eating Bacteria in Every Box!”

Pretty nifty little list for all you holiday shoppers. Of course, this list is a joke prepared by comedic writers for a cartoon television show. What you see to the right is, sadly, all too real.

According to a posting at the METALLICA fan site Encyclopedia Metallica, the first in the series of four James Hetfield-inspired shift knobs will go on sale at the METALLICA club store today (November 2). The knob measures approx. 2 x 2 1/2 x 3 1/4 inches and comes in four different colors: flesh, metal grey, copper, and green. These resin knobs are limited in production to 100 pieces, the first 25 of which were signed by James Hetfield! Also available separately is a cool plastic display box to show off your knob! The price is $69.95 and you have to be a member to the official fan club to get one.

Yeah, in case you don’t get it, this is a knob for your gearshift that is shaped like the head of Metallica singer, James Hetfield. Not only is it creepy because I, more than once, have been told I resemble this guy (shiver), but it is rather ironic considering Metallica is also one of the poster bands for the Recording Industry of America (RIAA) and its fight against people who download music for free.

For a band that started out completely underground and built an audience off of sheer determination without the support of the mainstream industry, this sure does smell like a…how do I phrase this…complete pile of corporate dogshit.

But, you too can have the head of a musican that used to be relevant on your gearshift if you like and all it will cost you is $69.95, your dignity and any shred of credibility you had left.

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