What the Hell is This, Jersey?

According to the National Weather Service, the Houston area could experience up to, get this, half a FOOT of snow tomorrow. We’ll get sleet in the morning, snow by lunch and freezing temperatures for up to 12 hours tomorrow night after the snow calms down.

This is the second year in a row we will be experiencing snow assuming the weather gnomes are accurate. Granted, I think Frank Billingsley once predicted it would be partly cloudy with a chance of fire and brimstone and Neil Frank was notorious for blaming rain on “my sweet lord and savior, Satan,” which is probably why he retired. But, still, the NWS is kind of like the council of elders when it comes to weather and when they continue to suggest without even a hint of irony that we might get 2-4 inches of accumulation, I have to sort of believe them.

Two years of snow? Seriously, what is this, New Jersey, Buffalo, DETROIT!!!???

Don’t get me wrong, I love the snow. It’s just freaky. I’m pretty sure it has to do with 2012. Those Goddamn Myans did this. They cursed us. They unleashed some sort of snow monster (pictured above) to destroy us because of our sweet, sweet humidity and love of ozone.

I’ve never trusted those Myans. It’s their beady little eyes. Oh, sure, they’re extinct, but that’s no excuse for raining down hell fire on Houston. Besides, it’s not even 2012 and yet we are made to suffer.

Then again, it could just be aliens, which makes sense given that War of the Worlds is on tv tomorrow night. Hmmm. Whatever the case, here’s the forecast. Note that there is no indication of flowing magma or flying squirrels…yet.