That’s It, I’m Going to Clown College and None of You Can Stop Me

Absent, AWOL, astray, away, elsewhere, ghost, gone, hooky, missing, no-show, nobody home, removed, vanished…

That’s me!

What the hell is up freaks and freakettes. Did you miss me? That’s a stupid question. Of COURSE you missed me. I’m the cream in your coffee, the fun in your dysfunction, the jazz in your jazz hands! You know it’s true.

A more appropriate question is where the hell have I been? The short answer is: drunk or sleeping or watching tv or watching tv while drunk and sleeping. It makes no difference. The point is, I’ve been gone and I’ve missed you. I mean, look at your face. It’s so cute – except for your nose, which is bigger than I remember. Have you been getting nose injections again? I thought I warned you that would cause you to look sad and clown-like. You never listen. Sigh.

Seriously, look at this place since I left. It’s a MESS! When the cat’s away…what’s the rest of that saying, something about monkeys eating Cheetos?

Anyway, I’ve been wrangling (that’s a fancy southern word that means wrastlin’) with home repairs, movers, mortgage companies, real estate agents, websites, guitars (Cadillacs and hillbilly music), computers, iPhones, cats and your mom, who says “hi,” “tuck in your shirt” and “eat your vegetables.” She’s a demanding little thing. Oh, don’t I know it. Ho hooooo!

Ahem.

What I’m tryin’ to lay down for ya is that I’m re-dedicated to this crazy little thing called “blog.” You thought I was going to say “love,” didn’t you? Hey, I’m no plagiarizer. I’m a believer, yes, and I wanna dance with somebody (somebody who loves me), sure. True, it’s been a hard day’s night, but I guess that’s life! I can’t deny it!

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m both original and literate and that makes me awesome times four to the square root of pi, carry the one and…it’s science. You wouldn’t understand.

All I’m saying (besides give peace a chance) is see you around the blogfire. We can roast marshmallows, sing songs about Wil Wheaton and discuss the power of the dark side.