More Proof That Dallas Sucks

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As if we needed any further evidence that our “neighbors” to the north suck it big time, we learn about The Beauftiful Room. Their Flash tagline reads, “What if there was a place where everyone is beautiful?” What it probably should read is, “What if there was a place where everyone actually knew how to use English properly” since the mixing of “was” and “is” in the tagline above is not only the opposite of beautiful, but the opposite of smart…but I digress.

If you are looking for brains, perhaps this isn’t the place. The Beautiful Room is an exclusive club in Dallas where you must submit your photo to be admitted. Yes, you must be “beautiful” to join.

Oh, sure, you can be a raging moron or a vapid, breast-implanted airhead because, in their world, beauty may be skin deep, but, as Fred Sanford once said, “Ugly go clean down to the bone.”

A recent article in the Dallas Observer had this to say:

Elaine is talking over some bad techno music at the Absinthe Lounge in the South Side on Lamar building. She’s telling me about her brilliant 17-year-old son, who bestows his wisdom upon a younger friend. “And so he tells this kid, ‘All those rich people in Highland Park, if you take away their money, what are they? What do they have inside?'”

I’m trying to pay attention, but I can’t stop looking at her impossibly puffy lips and prominent front teeth. With her big doe eyes and globular breasts, she looks like an anthropomorphized rabbit in some kind of furry-fetish porn movie. She’s talking in the loud, slightly slurred voice of a 30-something woman who doesn’t get drunk nearly as often as she’d like. In my mind, I decide to call her Drunken Porno Bunny. She continues:

“My son tells this kid, ‘It’s what’s on the inside of you that counts.'”

Elaine beams a beauty pageant smile, and I can’t tell if the irony or the enamel is more blinding

Besides the unbridled stupidity of the idea, I realized that, in reality, all these “people” are doing is extending what most of us already knew to be true. Too many of us are ridiculously superficial, painfully trivial and fantastically idiotic. Wait, that’s probably too many adverb-adjective combinations for the beauties who may read this, so let me just re-phrase.

Dallas comes up with some dumb shit.

Can we trade them to Oklahoma now for some vast stretches of plains. At least then we’d have peace of mind and the IQ of the state would increase by more than a few percentage points.

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