How to Explain Crazy and How NOT to Explain Crazy

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I’m not one to care all that much about celebrities. I read about them and find them mildly humorous. But, with my recent increase in hits simply because people were looking for pictures of a certain celeb sans undies, I thought I’d revisit this issue one more (and hopefully final) time.

Most know that Lindsay Lohan is a wild child. Only recently, Britney Spears has emerged from the cocoon of marriage and baby makin’ to get her party on as well. Both of them have been criticized by the overly-intrusive, gossip-mongering media. No shock there.

Well, as a rebuttal to all this, Britney has gone on the offensive and drafted a very well-crafted, coherent and forthright statement about her recent follies for her website:

It’s been so long since I’ve been out on the town with friends. It’s also been 2 years since I’ve even celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria’s Secrets’ new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me.

I’m just getting started … Happy Holidays everyone! Britney

Very impressive. Not only was it lucid, but it was honest and self-depricating with nary the hint of the word “ya’ll.” Gotta hand it to her. The girl is savvy and pretty damn honest. Bravo!

On the other hand, there is Ms. Lohan, who scrobbled an incoherent babbling via email that was picked up on the net, natch. In many ways, this is like the opposite of Brit’s statement:

The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.

But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan

To quote Woody Allen from Annie Hall: “Ok, I gotta go. I’m due back on the planet Earth.”

Insert your own jokes here.

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UPDATE:  Go immediately and read THIS BLOG POST from GoFugYourself.  Click on the images of the proofread versions of Lindsay’s message.  It is frigging genius!!!

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