God Emailed Me From the Future

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I was shocked when I walked in this evening and found this in my inbox:

Email from God

God emailed me and the email came from 10:33pm TONIGHT! Since it was only about 7pm when I got the email and the source code (yeah, the source of God!) said it was sent at 2:33pm, it can only mean one of two things:

1. God inserted the earlier time in the source code to fool me like when he put fossils in the ground to try and trick us into believing in dinosaurs.

2. God sent the email from home in Honolulu and it was relayed from his server in Santiago, Chile, which begs the questions – why does God live in Hawaii, why does he host his email in Chile and why isn’t he busy with the elves making toys? Oh, wait, that’s Santa. Well, they are both mysteries.

I personally believe it was from the future especially considering the email was a special message JUST FOR ME about a really important investment opportunity. God’s got my back and knows that I’m a big day trader. I guess omnicience and efficient quantum email delivery service have their benefits.

I still am left with questions, however, like why does God have a colon after his name? Is that an official article of punctuation or a typo? And, if it’s a typo, what the hell? God makes typos? Um, Big Fella, they do have a spellchecker even in Outlook Express and since that is the name in your send email, you might want to correct that. But, that’s just a suggestion. You obviously know what you are doing so I’d appreciate not being smited smitten smote.

Also, why make the subject “Time Sheets?” It’s so cryptic. It’s like the DaVinci Code or something. Maybe it is like sheets in the fabric of time. Maybe they are sheets with big clocks on them that God has on his bed. But, I thought his bed was a cloud. Hmmm…

Lastly, it’s interesting to see that God’s domain name of choice uses a .IL extension, which is from Israel. Seems appropriate.

Now, if I could just figure out how the names above God on the list go blurred out. I’m blaming Satan…or Photoshop.

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