Abby sure does receive some fun mail. This letter comes to her from Tucson, Arizona where the recent flooding has apparently done nothing to dampen the flames of passion inside this young woman’s mother. Problem is, she’s confiding this in her daughter. Let’s read on, shall we?
I am 21, and I have a complicated problem. My mother, whom I love very much and who is one of the most wonderful women ever, has, at 41, found herself in a very difficult situation.
She recently confided to me that her marriage of almost 12 years to my stepfather has been extremely unsatisfactory – especially in the bedroom. He has absolutely no interest in the deed at all, and, as a normal, red-blooded woman, she does.
Mom confiding her problems with stepdad in the bedroom. Ewww. Doesn’t she have friends? How about therapy? It isn’t like mom and stepdad are 80 and provincial to the point that they just couldn’t accept outside help for a problem. If you don’t believe me, read on.
I suggested they seek professional guidance, but they have yet to do so. To further confuse the situation, Mom has found herself attracted to a 28-year-old co-worker who is also very attracted to her and has made his feelings known.
The daughter does ABSOLUTELY the right thing here in suggesting counseling. Besides, if mom can accept the thought of an affair with a guy 13 years her junior, I would think therapy wouldn’t be that big of a stretch.
Hmmmm…therapy is so costly and I clearly have no problems outside of my need for sex. It would be so much EASIER just to sleep with a young dude. WTF?
And how icky must this be for the daughter? A guy who she might consider dating (well, not anymore) is hitting on her MOTHER? Yikes. It reminds me of the conversation between George Constanza on Seinfeld and his mother who was separated at the time from his father:
Estelle: So, I’m getting an eye job.
George: An eye job? Ma, you don’t need an eye job.
Estelle: Georgie, I’m a divorcee.
George: No, you’re not a divorcee. Youï¿½re just separated. You’re—you’re a separatee.
Estelle: Well, I’m out there, George.
George: No, you’re not out there.
Estelle: I am, too!
George: You’re not out there! You can’t be, because *I* am out there. And if I see *you* out there, there’s not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
These types of conversations are best left for therapy and sitcoms. But, here’s the REAL kicker of this conversation.
I am not sure how to advise her about this. On the one hand, it’s wrong to have an affair. But on the other hand, you only get one life, and I want her to be happy. Mom is a wonderful woman and deserves everything good in life, and I don’t know what to tell her. Please help, Abby.
IN A HOT SPOT in Tucson
Before commenting on this portion of the letter, let me just hit the signature: IN A HOT SPOT. How clever. She’s in Tucson where it’s hot and this is a difficult situation. How droll.
I was through Tucson twice in June. I had no idea this sort of thing was going on, but the view from my Best Western didn’t really go beyond the freeway, so…
Anyway, this girl is actually considering advising her mom to have an affair??? How exactly is this going to make her happy? Ah, yes, there’s nothing like mom getting busted with a younger guy and destroying her marriage, going through the credit problems associated with a divorce, getting back out and dating again at 41…oh, yeah, this can’t miss.
It’s interesting that the husband wasn’t mentioned once in the letter. I assume that he and the step daughter don’t get along. I can’t imagine someone who even gave the remotest bit of a rat’s ass about someone advising their partner to cheat on him, so she must not really like the guy or be associated with the tv show, Cheaters, and looking for a new subject.
Abby handles things with her usual tact and aplomb.
our mother may be a “wonderful woman,” but it was extremely inappropriate of her to try to involve you in her sex life. Please don’t give this your blessing, or the person who will get the blame for it later is you.
Tell her again that she needs to resolve this problem with her husband and a marriage counselor. It’s the mature way of handling this problem.
Typical pragmatic and mature Abby. C’mon, Abs! I want to see these folks on Springer! Don’t give them sensible advice. Ratings, baby, we need ratings and sex sells!
Oh, sorry, I slipped into sleezy television show promoter mode for a second there. Abby, of course, is spot on. Mom needs to keep her sex life to herself, unless of course she wants to share it with the entire country on national television. In that case, all bets are off, bitches.