CMA’s Fill Me With Sheer Terror

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I was watching the Rockets game last night and flipped past the Country Music Awards, live from New York City. Yikes. I decided to flip back and forth and see what was going on.

I mean, it is music…sort of. And not all of it could be horrible, right? RIGHT???

Ok, so most of it, I have no clue who the people were. I’d heard of Keith Urban and Gretchen Wilson, but whatever. Brooks & Dunn were hosting I guess.

Is there any music more fake and formulaic than modern country music? I mean, seriously! Everything is so perfected and setup. The songs are edited to within inches of their lives leaving zero soul and only a small hint of energy.

The Colbert Report the other night talked briefly about the CMA’s and mentioned how so many of them have been so outspoken about morality and America, yet he described lyrics by one artist about three-ways with strange women and getting drunk until you pass out. Great.

I don’t know. I know that Hoobastank is a stupid name, but at least it isn’t corny. They should just re-name the genre Corntry music. When a band named Rascal Flats wins a major award?

The best performance, by far, was Allison Krause and Union Station. They were amazing. A not-that-distant second was, ironically, Bon Jovi, who played with typical rock and roll energy to a crowd of people who sat and stared blankly as if they’d never seen a rock band before.

After that, it was mostly a disaster. Dolly Parton performed with “Sir” Elton John, which was perfect – a real life drag queen with someone who just looks like one. I love Dolly. She is amazing, but that performance of John Lennon’s “Imagine” was scary. She ended it by whispering “IMAGINE…” Yikes. Talk about corny.

Anyway, good for them for making music and all. Who am I to criticize, right? But, really, it sucked. There, I said it.

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