All is Right with the World – the Newlyweds are No More

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That’s right, kids. Nick Latch-key and Jessica Simpson are through. Kaput. Finito. Over. They broke up, ya’ll. I’m as giddy as a school girl.

Actually, I could care less, but I find it humerous that anyone thought they could stay married in the first place.

Yes, Jessica Simpson is a beautiful girl, but she is dumb as a stump and as petulant as a coked up rock star demanding the green M&M’s be removed from him sight, just as the 20-page rider in his performance contract stipulates.

I’ll never forget one of the few episodes of Newlyweds I watched. Nick and a friend spent their entire day moving furniture into and around their new mansion. Jessica arrived in the late afternoon after a day of shopping and pampering.

She waltzes in as Nick and his friend were hauling a really heavy chair upstairs and bitches that the house was a wreck and stomped off into the kitchen.

Nick said, “If I had a gun right now, I’d shoot myself.” His friend responded, “Why would you shoot yourself?”

Amen.

Oh, and in a sign that the apocolypse is upon us, the freak show that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s sham marriage just got creepier as they announced Katie is with child. No doubt it will be the anti-Christ.

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