Open Letter Wednesday: Dear American Apparel

Every Wednesday, you get a peek inside the mail bag. In this case, that bag is full of letters I write to ask questions we all want answered…or maybe just me.

American Apparel MainDear American Apparel,

I know you like to be provocative in your advertising. You like flashing nipple on occasion, ads with post adolescent crotch bearing lollipop suckers and showing sorta-dirty young hipsters in various stages of undress as a means of driving sales of your over-priced, poorly made clothing. Like Calvin Klein’s child pornography series of ads, you like pushing the envelope and, God knows, I have no problem with seeing semi-naked chicks. I encourage it!

But, I’m really just tired of this overwrought campaign of Polaroid-esque photos making not-so-vague allusion to orgasms and sex and orgies. It’s just…boring.

It’s amazing that you could make sex seem bland and uninteresting, but, really, you have, mainly because I don’t believe you anymore. It’s one thing to so some cute young girl with a emo haircut posing in boys underwear and a tank top. It’s another to show this:

American Apparel Dudes

Really? REALLY? A bunch of half naked Magnum PI’s was the best you could do for an ad selling glorified tighty whities??? Or how about this one?

American Apparel Socks

Are you suggesting that this Canadian porn star who specializes in anal (I looked it up on Wikipedia – what?) gets off to tube socks?

What I find most disturbing about these ads is how tiring they make sex seem like chore you perform to make yourself feel marginally good for a few fleeting moments before going back to your weepy, slacker pose. Even an orgasm is so NOT special, socks are a fantasy and being naked is just something to do when you’re bored. How in God’s name were you able to make kids simultaneously feel good about being naked (assuming they are skinny and hot) and be completely disinterested at the same time? It’s disturbingly brilliant.

To make matters worse, you sell clothes most of us could find at a thrift store and wouldn’t even wear in the first place because we aren’t going roller skating in 1978 or to homecoming in 1985. If that weren’t enough, they are expensive and poorly made. Way to take that reduce the “American” part of your name to a clever stereotype.

I know clueless little hipsters buy your stuff on the basis of its popularity and being all risque and pseudo-dirty makes you the cool clothing kid on the block, but your oh-so provocative ads not even that provocative anymore.

They’re just boring, which is ridiculous considering their content. How about, just make better clothes next time?

Thanks for listening.

Jeff

P.S. Porn stars and tube socks? Really? Sigh.

  11 Replies to “Open Letter Wednesday: Dear American Apparel”

  1. March 25, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Here here!

  2. Rebecca
    March 25, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Canadian porn star who specializes in anal? That’s just redundant.

  3. March 25, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    I put the Men’s Brief ad up. Is it really that provocative?

  4. Jeff
    March 25, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    @Rebecca – It is, isn’t it?
    @Ryan – Thanks for responding. It’s not provocative so much as it is terrifying. 🙂

  5. Ms. Pants
    March 25, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    All you need to do is google Dov Charney to see why no one should ever buy AA.

  6. March 25, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Dear American Apparel!!

    I DO NOT FIND THIS BORING AT ALL!

    Love my cloth belt I picked up at American Apparel. I also love naked human people. I might be able to get tube socks and tighty whitties at a thrift store but that is pretty gross.

    America has been about Cheeseburgers, Fatness and Ultra Violence for way to long. Love the sexy pictures. For some reason I don’t find it boring…Lover of art? Human form? Shooting a good sperm count perhaps?

    Clueless hipster (not very little)

  7. March 25, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    @ Ms. Pants,

    Speaking of ads and Dov, you should have a glance at this. I understand why what you’ve heard would be scary. If it was true, I wouldn’t want to buy from American Apparel either.

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_h04RxmLywJM/Sa21LjrNiaI/AAAAAAAAABQ/gLVv9-SZ-LM/s1600-h/keith-fink.jpg

  8. March 25, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Also what about your yard sale?
    http://jeffbalke.com/category/all-about-me/

  9. March 25, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    this is a good read.
    but i have to say, i love american apparel’s t-shirts! i get them whenever i can.
    but…you have a point. for company longevity – how are they planning on keeping our attention? they have to one up themselves.
    i guess, they could start a line of garments called the “The Emperor’s Clothes.”

  10. Jeff
    March 25, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    @LavaLevel To quote myself from this post, “God knows, I have no problem with seeing semi-naked chicks. I encourage it!”

  11. March 25, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    I got that, I just don’t see this… “It’s amazing that you could make sex seem bland and uninteresting”

    hmmm… not seeing that in the pics posted. Infact this is the most exciting blog you have posted and I have read a few before!

    or especially this…

    “To make matters worse, you sell clothes most of us could find at a thrift store and wouldn’t even wear in the first place because we aren’t going roller skating in 1978 or to homecoming in 1985.”

    umm.. Perhaps Thrift Village should take note. You certainly did w/your garage sale. 😉

    not trying to be a jerkface, just sticking my difference of opinion out there. (and wearing AA underware)

    lolz

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *