Things I Love: Cake

Every Thursday, I post about the things that I love, and God only knows what those things might be.

Cake!Lots of things in this world can bring you pleasure – great music, vacation, sex with prostitutes, crack. It’s all part of the rainbow of life. For me, on the short list of things that make me happy is cake.

Not only is it sweet and delicious, but it makes you feel special, like it’s your birthday any day you eat it, and who doesn’t love that!?

When I was a kid, my favorite was chocolate. I still really enjoy a good chocolate devil’s food cake with chocolate icing. I particularly like the devil’s food because I like feeling as if I’m eating something prepared by Satan himself. There’s a comforting feeling knowing the Prince of Darkness got his claws in a mixing bowl and whipped a little dessert just for me. It’s sweet really.

But, my favorite of all is white cake with white icing. This is not a racial thing. I don’t think you should keep black and white separate. In fact, I encourage interracial cakes. Hell, marblize those bastards even. Power to the batter, bitches.

Anyway, white cake with white icing is just fantastic. Don’t leave me near a plain wedding cake or I’ll eat the whole damn thing and even lick the little bride and groom…and the cake topper too – AHTHANKYOU!

Sheet cakes are usually made this way, although I don’t like the whipped cream icing nearly as much as the buttercream. In fact, as my ex-wife will attest, I went through a “sheet cake phase” where I randomly brought home sheet cakes from the store and ate them a little at a time right from the box. That was the summer I gained 75 pounds, suffered a triple coronary and smelled of fondant. Terrifying.

Other cakes high on my list include red velvet, angel food cake (my grandmother made the best version of this), ice cream cake and cheesecake, though that’s more like a pie, but I’m not going to quibble over sugar.

It should be noted that I also love cupcakes. Look, if I love a good sheet cake, why would I discriminate against its tiny little offspring. While I don’t make a practice of eating it regularly, I’m not opposed to veal or lamb, so why would I be adverse to eating baby cakes – and no, that is not the name of a stripper I met in Vegas.

Truth is, that wonderful combination of sugar and flour is hard to beat when it comes to dessert. Sure, ice cream is yummy, chocolate is decadent, pastries are tasty, pies are nom and tarts are tartastic, but cake will always remain king of the dessert heap, even the King Cake they have for Mardis Gras even though it has that crazy plastic baby inside destined to lodge in your throat and kill you if it doesn’t first come to life and stab you in the eyeball.

It’s just like that movie, Chucky Takes the Cake. Ok, maybe not.

Photo by groovehouse.

  14 Replies to “Things I Love: Cake”

  1. K
    February 26, 2009 at 11:26 am

    White cake with white icing? VOMIT. Red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, yellow cake with chocolate icing and good old Texas sheet cake are where it’s at.

  2. Jeff
    February 26, 2009 at 11:27 am

    More for me. 🙂

  3. February 26, 2009 at 11:28 am

    OMG I love this post and I love white/white sheet cake.

    Dammit, now I want cake. You suck, Balke.


  4. Audra
    February 26, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Favorite line: Power to the batter, bitches.

  5. February 26, 2009 at 11:30 am

    pineapple upside-down cake with crushed pineapple. I could eat the entire thing in one sitting. 😮

  6. February 26, 2009 at 11:33 am

    I love a white cake with a pineapple middle and white icing! I grew up in a small town and we had the best local bakery, Halepaska’s. They make the most incredible white cake with pineapple! YUM!


  7. Rebecca
    February 26, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Ahhhhh … the sheet cake phase. That was an interesting period. There was also the time of Pop-Tarts and, of course, the dark days of the Quizno’s obsession.

  8. February 26, 2009 at 11:53 am

    mmmmmm… wedding cake. One of the best perks of my job. I love some good white cake with buttercream frosting. My personal favorite is interracial cake – chocolate with cream cheese frosting. Yummm.

    Damn it. Now I want cake too. Power to the batter, bitches!

    “Chucky Takes the Cake” – bwuahahahahaha!

  9. February 26, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    Thanks, Jeff. It is fellas like you that give gals like me such a good name, not to mention a drive to achieve the recipe for the perfect cake.


  10. gary
    February 26, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    The era of eating cake is over. A new day of austerity dawns.

  11. February 26, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    “Let them eat cake…”

  12. February 26, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Someone in my office brings a chocolate cake with chocolate icing in about every 2 weeks. Sometimes he gets carried away and brings one in weekly. Another coworker and I devour the calorie infested genius by about 9 am on the basis that cake is like bread. If rye bread is brown and it’s healthy, then chocolate cake is really just chocolate bread, making it the healthiest of ALL breads! Free pass to be a fatty! Man. I want some cake.

    P.S. I hate icing.

  13. February 28, 2009 at 9:52 am

    I’m happy to see cake getting so much comment love. It is at the very top of the sweets pile for me and I have a massive sweet tooth. My favorite is yellow cake with chocolate frosting and pineapple upside down cake. I had to think a minute about white cake with white frosting because I don’t eat it much, but yes that is good stuff too. Frankly just about any cake is a hit with me.

    I do have a confession though. Further down my list is Red Velvet cake. I’m just not that big a fan, but I seem to be the only one in the world. Oh well. It is still cake so that means it comes ahead of a lot of other desserts and pastries.

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