The Most Romantic Gift Ever: Blow Guard

I wish I was smart enough to come up with some of the crap people think up on a daily basis. Honestly, the Foreman Grill, the Flowbee, the human heart and now the Blow Guard.

I’m sure it’s very useful, but I have some questions about the ad:

Blow Guard

First of all, isn’t Nick the Dick that guy with the foot-long schlong in Bachelor Party? I’m fairly certain it is. Aren’t they going to be sued for using his name without permission?

Second, why are they using the British spelling of “savour” and not “flavor?” Are they using some quasi-British-American hybrid language because, if so, I say, “Go back to Russia!” This is AMERICA. In America, you talk American and not some commie pinko half-breed language.

Third, how do you KNOW he’ll return the favour favor? Does the Blow Guard contain some magic serum that enters the bloodstream through the penis and causes a man to be unable to stop himself from performing oral sex on a woman or does it just mean he’ll tap you on the head this time before having his happy ending? Either way, I guess that’s an improvement for most women.

Lastly, what in the name of all that’s holy is that couple drinking? Sweet pink Jesus that looks nasty.

  4 Replies to “The Most Romantic Gift Ever: Blow Guard”

  1. K
    February 24, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Jesus, Balke. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Where do you find shit like this? Also, I have nothing else to say that’s not incredibly crass, so I’m just going to close with this: you forgot the Snuggie.

  2. K
    February 24, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Oh, and this: I LOL’d. A lot. 😀

  3. Katya
    February 25, 2009 at 11:17 am

    My only question (and follow-up question) is…

    Is that a stock photo? And if so, did the photographer ever dream that it would be used in this way?

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