Open Letter Wednesday: Dear Neighbors

Every Wednesday, you get a peek inside the mail bag. In this case, that bag is full of letters I write to ask questions we all want answered…or maybe just me.

Front of the HouseTo My Dear Soon-To-Be-Ex Neighbors,

I will soon (hopefully, VERY soon) be selling my house and moving off this street I’ve lived on for almost 15 years. I’ve enjoyed meeting most of you and enjoyed observing you even more. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all individually.

Thank you, creepy guy that sits in front of the empty lot and reads paperbacks, for being so odd and making me wonder what the hell you are doing there every day and, more importantly, what you are reading.

Thank you, guy who was so convinced his mother would move back to the house next door that he let it fall into severe dis-repair, for finally selling both houses and moving on with your life. I’m sure everyone is much happier.

Thank you, Love Park basketball gym, for not allowing me to play in the afternoons when you are empty even though no one else plays there during the day and all I wanted to do was shoot some hoops on your newly-renovated hardwoods by myself.

Thank you, angry lesbian, for spray painting my drummer’s van one night simply because you were grumpy that none of the neighbors or the police thought our rehearsing before 10pm on Monday’s with a HEAVILY soundproofed room was worthy of scorn and vitriol.

Thank you, giant, chubby, hairy guy with incredibly thin, anti-social wife, who help me to remember that odd couples sometimes really do work.

Thank you, guy who called his wife a bitch in front of me and then told me the long story of how his testicle swelled up to the size of a grapefruit, for moving and making our street a little more peaceful.

Thank you, guy that stared at the tree every day in your yard until it died. That was one seriously awesome summer.

Thank you, strange people across the street who always come in at 11pm every night and never seem to be home any other time, clearly because you are hired assassins or ninja.

And now for the serious one’s…

Thank you, my dear next door neighbors, for allowing me to watch your children grow, for helping me with work around my home, for always being kind and for KPFT rocking my weekends from your outdoor speakers.

Thank you, both sets of neighbors who lived on the other side of my house, for your kindness and your patience with me and my music.

Thank you, neighbor across the street for chatting on your front porch.

Thank you, my sweet, long-since passed neighbor, for all the stories you told me about my home and the Heights in general. You were an inspiration.

Thank you, guy who used to own my house, for coming back and doing all the repairs to help me get ready to sell and for being such a great guy to deal with when I bought the house in the first place.

Most of all, thank you residents of my awesome little street for making me laugh and for tolerating my sometimes odd behavior, many yard sales, pet rescues, strange gardening choices, loud music and home repairs over the years. You will all be missed.

I hope whoever buys this house realizes just how quirky and awesome you all are and loves you for it as much as I have.

Sincerely,

Jeff

P.S. To my next door neighbor, don’t think I won’t be sitting outside your house every Christmas looking for a tin of your homemade fudge. Seriously.

  2 Replies to “Open Letter Wednesday: Dear Neighbors”

  1. KublaConn
    February 25, 2009 at 11:00 am

    What would be really odd is if you sat outside your next-door neighbor’s house every Xmas looking for a tin of store-bought fudge.

  2. Rebecca
    February 25, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    You forgot to thank Frank!!! How could you forget the man convicted of homicide, who walked around with a bag of his own urine wrapped around his leg? Good times …

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